Once upon a time you came to the point where you were sure a matter could not be reduced or simplified any further. But then a child showed up with a question and you had to explain it to them —
God
Taxes
Government
Race
Death —
and then you were at a loss for words.
Good news. Explanation does not have to abandon mystery. But explanation and teaching must lay a foundation for complexity that grants the reader and interpreter certain sophistication. Those foundations are often simple — complexity is reduced. But the building and the living of life on that foundation creates complexity. An archway built on a foundation is both simple and complex. For learners, the ability to hold what seem to be opposite or opposing thoughts in tension requires maturity. Not just maturity of age, but maturity of thought and emotion in relationship to the subject.
For example, Christians, explaining how they handle the Old Testament have to negotiate many complexities. However, we can take hold of explanations that allow us to synthesize the history, the prayers, and sometimes terrible beauties of the text even as we move toward the revelation of Jesus Christ. These simplified pictures (like the one below) create a framework for theological work and for adding other disciplines such as archeology, history, textual analysis and sociology to our readings of the text. The task of building on foundations is taken up not as an end in and of itself, but as a step in the process of becoming like Christ and participating in His mission.
Reframing starts with the difference between “I have to” and “I get to.” If you’ve ever met a person with an “I get to” attitude you will remember them. You will remember them not just for what they do but for how they make you feel. One of my favourite check-out technicians at the Marine Drive Super Store in Vancouver gets it. Her attitude and joy is infectious. She greets every weary customer and makes the checkout experience fun or funny. She makes a difference in the stupor that so easily takes over the heart from the madness of grocery shopping.
“Get to” and “have to” — its a difference of attitude. You may be reluctant to tackle it, but as soon as you hear yourself saying, “I have to” its time for an attitude check. For some odd reason we all have moments when we love being in a crappy mood. In moments like that we are taking strange solace in treating ourselves as objects cast about on the sea of life. Fate has beset us and we live as if we are subject only to the constraints and hardships of our responsibilities. Like all emotional postures the “I have to” attitude can become dreadfully habitual.
It’s a terrible way to live! However, I’ve discovered a little shift in attitude can start the difference in my happiness, my relational trajectory, and the fruit of my labours.
It seems like the grind of routine can easily take over my life. That’s when I find myself muttering…
I have to…
get up.
go to work. (Perhaps your story right now is different: I have to go to school.)
take this test.
make a lunch.
clean up and wash these dishes.
But I keep reminding myself, a shift is available to me!
I get to…
experience a new day. Its a gift!
make a difference in someone’s life.
grow through an artificial or a real-life challenge.
create order out of the chaos – at least for the moment.
“I get to” is built on hope and purpose. The internal shift in language to “I get to” brings about an external shift in how we approach the work and treat the people who are with us now. Reframing starts with “I get to.”
Author, David Sturt, explores the power of reframing work in the book, “Great Work: How to make a difference people love.” Great work exceeds expectations and makes a difference people love. It can happen in any domain of life, but truly great work shares something in common; it begins with the internal mindset of the person doing the work.
As you will see, an “I get to” approach refuses to settle for a pragmatic definition of ourselves or our work. For example when another Sunday rolls around I could wake up muttering, “I have to go deliver another talk today.” (If you didn’t know, I pastor a church in the UBC campus community.) Or I could wake up declaring, “Wow! Today I get to go connect with some amazing people and explore what matters most in life!” Are you starting to get the picture? You can reframe your own life and work.
Sturt’s book is a quick read with helpful and inspiring stories. Below are two videos exploring his ideas. The first video tells the story of Moses and the extraordinary difference he makes in the lives of children and families. And then the second is from David Sturt, the author, laying out his organization’s research and findings.
When the joy of graduation wears off some graduates enter a period of confusion and malaise, unsure of themselves and unsure of what to do besides making sure they eat tomorrow. I believe one of the shocks these university graduates are experiencing is generated by the absence of a script. They’ve been living off of someone else’s script for years. And it may have served them well. They read the lines and made the grades. But now on this side of graduation there is no script for the drama called life!
Did you graduate recently? Perhaps you are experiencing script deprivation.
A script gives you a straight-line process or pathway for getting from “A” to “B.” Let’s say you figured out a few years ago, “I want to graduate with a degree in finance.” Then, you paid the school to take care of you by charting out the courses you needed to “get a degree in finance.” You succeeded! But now your point “B” looms “out there” and no one is going to chart the path for you. You are going to have to blaze your own path.
Look, you are not alone. By the time we finish 18 years of school most of us are conditioned to living on someone else’s script. We have had it all scripted for us. It went like this:
Go to school.
Take the classes.
Learn the material.
Pass the tests.
Graduate.
But now…
There’s not a script for shaping a career.
There’s not a script for starting a business.
There’s not a script for being your own brand.
There’s not a script for creating a social life.
There’s not a script for building significant relationships.
Your friends have probably been living the same school script you were on, so they are not much help for living without a script.
But you do have some options:
Gather some mentors who have been living in uncharted waters for a while.
Plan a trip without tour guides and head out on an adventure.
Take some personal assessments to discover your genuine desires and strengths.
Make your grand life vision of success smaller by aiming at something contained in it (that’s usually called a goal) and then remind yourself, “Everything doesn’t have to be perfect!”
Attempt something related to your goal and as you do it, make a personal agreement with yourself that with the completion of each small step you will ask yourself again, “How did this go?” And, “What do I want to do next?”
Soon you will be living your own script and enjoying the rewards of living with purpose through your challenges.
With all the ongoing talk about whether or not a college degree is worth the expense, it seems like good sense to ask college graduates how they are doing. Gallup has done that and more. Gallup now has collected loads of data on what healthy thriving people look like. And then, in a project called the Gallop-Purdue Index, Gallop asked 30,000 graduates how they were doing, what they did during college, and then referenced their answers to a health or well-being index.
It turns out, that what you do in the extra-curricular realm during college, is what may make the difference once you are graduated and living real life. The thriving graduates had six confessions in common. The more of these confessions in their assessment, the better they were likely doing in their career, finances, physical health, community engagement, and friendships. So what were these thriving graduates up to during college or university?
Here are the six confessions of graduates thriving after graduation:
I had a professor who made me excited about learning.
I had professors who cared about me as a person.
I had a mentor who encouraged me to pursue my goals and dreams.
I worked on a long-term project.
I had a job or internship where I learned to apply what I was learning at school.
I was extremely involved in extra-curricular activities.
Are you enrolled as a college student or hoping to be one? Going to college is expensive. Not making the most of the time may be more costly in the long-run. The issue here goes way beyond your grades. So what’s in your control as a student? You can research your professors and choose accordingly. You can look for mentors. You can volunteer for long-term projects in clubs and community organizations. You can participate in paid internships and co-ops. You can get involved in organizations where you have interests in order to grow and develop relationships.
Here are ten ways to make the most of the opportunity to live with a parent during your twenties. Without some intentionality its too easy to coast while living at home and neglect the development of important life skills.
Ten ways to make the most of living with your parents.
1. Pay yourself rent even if you are not paying rent to your parents. Make “rent” a regular savings. Someday you likely will pay monthly rent or you will have a mortgage.
2. Start a business – even if you are going to school. Both the extra income and the entrepreneurial skills will serve you well. It might even turn into a career.
3. Develop your budgeting and saving skills. Make and remake a budget monthly by telling your every dollar where to go. Consider reinvesting money earned in your new business, back into the business since your “overhead” costs are low.
4. Discover an interest and start blogging about it.
5. Accept household chores and make a significant contribution to home-life by conscientiously choosing to do things you might not be great at but are necessary life skills. You’ll become a better roommate or spouse someday.
6. Build a few significant relationships and a social network that promotes values that fit your vision for life.
7. Learn how to build trust in relationships by “letting your folks know what you are doing and where you are going.” It’s actually good manners and a great practice for building trust in relationships.
8. Get involved in your community and serve others to make it a better place. Community leadership with volunteers is one of the most challenging spaces for leading.
9. Do something new or novel each month so you nurture a growth-mindset responsive to change.
10. Have some conflicts. Learn the skills of crucial conversations. Learn how to disagree as an adult without blowing up or creating a cold war.
