I have an early memory as a kid. That in itself is remarkable as I don’t remember near as much as my wife does of her childhood. As I look back, life in my childhood is a blur punctuated with a few dramatic moments of peaked emotion. Life just seemed to mosey along and I enjoyed a sense of stability even though that’s probably not what my parents experienced.
My early memory is of Christmas. On a Christmas Eve we joined our fellow members of St. Michael’s Catholic Church in Gainesville, GA for a celebration of Jesus’ birth. The Christmas Eve service was packed.
I remember walking down the sidewalk to the stone building in the dark and then sitting in the balcony taking in the hushed holy atmosphere, the candles and a sense of shared expectation. I remember the men from Riverside Military Academy, likely all high school students who couldn’t go home for the holidays, lined up in front of us in their uniforms with their visors in hand. One turned and winked at me. Not just a solitary wink, it was a wink that traveled from one eye to the next and back again. I went home and tried to mimic that motion while looking in the mirror. I spent days trying to perfect the act.
That night in St. Michael’s is the first Christmas I remember.
Now as an adult the memory of that Christmas brings to me to wonder and to question.
Why where we all there? Tradition? Obligation? Curiosity? Delight?
Where we just acting?
And perhaps more sinisterly, I have wondered before, is Christmas just a cosmic wink? Perhaps I’m not alone in these questions. Our faith as adults must grow up. I serve a congregation and University that is full of people committed to growing up in the way they think. However, most are not committed to growing up in the way they think about faith. Yes, the academy is growing giants. But, the temptation before us is to develop and deepen our capacities in a topic of study but neglect and even reject God, faith, and our heart.
I believe that first Christmas Eve of my memory laid down a foundation stone for faith in my life. God used that evening to called forth a simple response to Him in my life. Love. As I got older the simple response of love, wonder and delight is often accompanied by questions of doubt and ability: Does God really love me? Is God really? Can I love God? and If so, how shall I love … God?
Luke 2:8- 12
8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
Christmas is the grand call of God to people in which He says, “I love you.” Jesus born in Bethlehem made God’s love tangible. A sincere response to a tangible gift is to receive it. A sincere response to God is faith in Him.
Such faith is easily polluted. I am aware of my own inner cynic and the excuse machine it fuels; its always blowing toxic smoke. But I do long this Christmas to enter into the way of knowledge that sincere faith offers us. Only then, by receiving what God has given, can the mean question of “Who loves you?” be met with a reflexive and simple response, “Jesus loves me.”