Sometimes we see only what others have constructed and then in our minds, our hivemind constructs an explanation. Caution is required. Our interpretation of what they have done may not be right.
Usually co-brooding produces the most negative explanations. Goodwill evaporates across the distance and the borders.
A counsellor shared with me years ago that children are incredibly perceptive; they pick up the cues indicating something is going on relationally in the family or in the room. However, children are usually terrible interpreters of what has happened.
In these days of Covid, of distance, and the speed with which we see what others have constructed or written, we are all children. We are quick to perceive, but we are terrible at interpreting. Then, from the distance, sure of ourselves, we strap on our armour, take up our swords sure that annihilation of the other is the only answer.
This is an old problem. In Joshua 22, when the Eastern Tribes returned home after battling alongside the rest of the tribes of Israel under Joshua’s leadership, they constructed a massive and imposing altar alongside the border on the Israelite side near the Jordan river. When the rest of tribes heard of this altar they assumed the worst, idolatry and treason against the Lord, strapped on their swords and issued a call for war.
Fortunately leaders were sent to Reuben, God and the half-tribe of Manasseh ahead of the hastily formed army to launch an inquiry and seek an explanation of the altar. War was averted. An acceptable explanation was heard. The altar was built with the future generations in mind. The altar was a reminder and a prompt meant to affirm their connection to the LORD and to the other tribes.
Devastation was averted and the altar was given a name: A Witness Between Us–that the LORD is God.
Through the years I have found this story very helpful. The people I have served alongside and been in the same family with have done their own thing. I have too. Their actions seemed strange to me. On the “other side of the Jordan” we each are left wondering what the other is up to. Often we each have our good reasons. But across the space I am astonished at how quickly trust and good will evaporates. The stories we construct in our heads and with our co-brooders need to be tested.
Whether its a Tweet or an absence, an off-hand comment, or a transition in their lives, my internal narratives must be tested. I have found its good to keep assuming good-will and “the best” unless it has been sufficiently explored with “the others.” James said, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” (James 1:19).
Our digital lives seem to shrink the physical distances marked out across the globe. Yet, phones attached to our hands, social media and zoom have not improved the quality of our internal narratives. These narratives still need to be sifted. People still need to be given the benefit of doubt. This kind of move requires humility, time, kindness and gentleness. Paul put it this way, “Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:5)
The Lord is near.